Financial Harmony: Building Unity in Marriage

EP 145 - "Financial Harmony: Building Unity in Marriage

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Introduction: Money and Relationships

Have you or your spouse ever disagreed about money? If you're like me, I'm sure that's happened a time or two. Does it feel like you're never on the same page when it comes to your finances? Well, listen folks. You're not alone. When it comes to finances, being a source of stress. In any relationship? Money issues are one of the leading causes of marital and relationship conflict. But it doesn't have to be that way. So stay tuned today for some concrete ways to get on the same page with your significant other. We may be able to save some relationships and further build them, but you don't want to miss today's episode.

Welcome to Ask Ralph Podcast

Welcome to the Ask Ralph Podcast, where listening to an experienced financial professional with over 30 years of experience can help you make sense of confusing questions, current headlines, and industry trends about taxes, small business, financial decision making, investment strategies, and even the art of proper budgeting.

Ask Ralph makes the complex simple by sharing [00:01:00] his real world knowledge from a Christian perspective with all things financial. Now here's your host, Ralph Estep, Jr.

Welcome to our financial Friday show. I'm so glad you chose to join us. I just want to thank you for listening and supporting the program. I'm coming to you from the Estep farm and the Saggio accounting studio today. Let me put on my podcaster hat put down those overalls and the adding machine gets moved to the side and let's get into some financial wisdom from a Christian perspective.

Biblical Wisdom on Unity

Let's open God's word together for some wisdom on this topic before we even get started, this comes from the book of Ecclesiastes, these chapter four verses nine to 12, and it says this. Two are better than one. Because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity, anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also if two lie down together. They will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? While one may be overpowered. [00:02:00] Two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. What a powerful message. This passage highlights the beauty of unity. Especially within a marriage and other relationships. When spouses work together in agreement. So much more can be accomplished. The same is true when it comes to your finances.

Importance of Financial Unity

So today we'll be talking about why it's so important for couples to be on the same financial page and more importantly, how you can get there. It's great to want to be somewhere, but I'm going to give you concrete ways to get there. My goal is by the end of this episode, you'll have some practical tips and tools to create more financial harmony in your marriage. I'll be sharing from my own experience here. Including some money mistakes. My wife and I made early on. Let me say I made early on. I also pass along some advice from financial experts and other couples. Who have been successful at getting on the same financial [00:03:00] page as always my hope and prayer is that you'll find this conversation helpful and applicable to your own situation.

Personal Experiences and Expert Advice

So let's get started.

Now don't forget to subscribe to the show and join our email list. You do that at askralphpodcast.com . So you don't miss tomorrow show tomorrow. I'm going to be sharing an interview. I did on the wise practice podcast with Whitney Owens. We had a very Frank discussion about faith in business, and I really feel like you're going to enjoy it.

Join the Community

We also just recently launched an insider's group on Facebook and I encourage each of our listeners to join the group, to continue to conversations we have here on the show. It's a great place to share ideas for the show, discuss your triumphs and also your challenges. I've already got some great conversation going on out there, and here's a little secret. We also give you a preview of the next day show. So you definitely want to sign up for this and I'll have a link to the Facebook group in the show notes.

Truths About Financial Alignment

Well, let's get started with the topic today and that's how to get on the same page. Financially. Here are some very important truths. We're going to start with [00:04:00] truth today.

The first one, is this not being on the same financial page breeds confusion. It breeds stress and it really does breed conflict. When couples don't communicate clearly about money issues or have conflicting spending habits and financial values. Problems will inevitably rise. For example, one spouse may be focused on saving while the other ones to spend more freely. One may be risk averse while the other gravitates towards risky investments. These opposing viewpoints can lead to heated arguments and resentment over time. Getting aligned helps provide clarity and reduces money related tension.

Let me share some personal information. The truth is my wife is a great saver. And it's always been that way. I only other hand I'm an impulsive spender. This has certainly created some stress and conflict in my marriage. And when I finally started to see things from her perspective, we really were able to get on the same page. And now we are truly planning [00:05:00] well for our future. And more importantly for our retirement. As normal, I really needed to listen to her and follow her lead. I needed to understand what her fears were and understand what her goals were.

The second truth is this being unified leads to better. Decision-making that's just the facts. Major financial decisions go much more smoothly. When spouses are already in agreement on their financial priorities and more importantly, on their financial goals. For instance, when buying a home, both parties need to agree on how much house is affordable, given their income and lifestyle. If one spouse has dreams of a luxury home, while the other envisions a modest townhouse that is going to lead to frustration, and it's going to lead to a breakdown in that relationship, I guarantee it. Agreeing on your overall vision ahead of major money moves helps prevent pain down the road. It needs to be a team effort. So the seeds of resentment are not even allowed to start. If you don't start them, they won't grow. I've counseled [00:06:00] so many couples in these areas where they just were not in alignment and it leads to some real marital problems. Unfortunately, sometimes that's divorce because they simply can't get on the same page. That's why I highly recommend having a very Frank discussion when dating and planning to marry. So you set a baseline for future decision-making. I see these people who go to premarital counseling. I think a good component of that is to talk about finances, pull each other's credit reports. Yes. You heard me right. Take a look at how the other person honors their credit. These are going to be things that will either build your relationship or they will quickly destroy it.

Let's move on to truth. Number three. God desires, unity and harmony within the marriage. The passage from Ecclesiastes illustrates the two are better than one God's design and desire is for unity and agreement between husband and wife. The book of Proverbs chapter 27, 17 also says as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another. [00:07:00] Again, a very pointed verse, but it applies here. We should strive to sharpen, one another in all areas of life, including our finances. Pursuing unity in your money management brings your marriage more in line with God's beautiful design and that's what God intended. He intended relationships in marriage specifically to be a beautiful design. Many times I've seen finances break a marriage. I've also seen couples who really were able to get on the same page. And they worked as a team and achieved amazing results. It can be done, but it takes effort. We'll talk about some action steps later in the show.

And the fourth truth is this. Getting on the same page is an ongoing process. Yes. You're going to hear me say it again. This is a journey, not a destination. Don't expect to have one conversation about finances and instantly be perfectly aligned. It's not going to happen, folks. Spending habits, budgets, financial goals. These things [00:08:00] often need regular check-ins as life circumstances. Change. For example. Early on my wife and I had to adjust our budget several times after having kids. If you have kids, you know, kids are expensive. They weren't part of our initial financial plan. So my advice is to make financial meetings, a consistent part of your marriage to stay unified. You've got to take the time to talk about this when the time is right. And both of you are relaxed and not during times of financial or other stress. This is not a good conversation to have when things are difficult or when they're stressed or when the kids have gotten you to your last part of the day. You know, these are times when you're both in a good mood, you're both calm and you can have a constructive conversation.

So we talked about some truths.

Actionable Steps for Financial Harmony

Well, let's talk about some actionable steps. Because the truth is it's all about putting this into action.

And the first one is this, have an honest conversation about your money histories that's right. That your histories. It's all about open communication and [00:09:00] transparency. Sit down together and walk through your individual backgrounds related to money. Ask questions, like how did your family handle finances growing up? What money habits or lesson stuck with you, whether they be good ones or bad ones. One of the things that I found in my marriage, one of the stress points for us was my wife came from a place where her parents really didn't do a good job of managing their finances. And so for her, that is a real big stress point. She wants to make sure things are handled correctly. This is the time to explain your personal beliefs and attitudes about topics like saving. Spending. Investing and giving. Increased understanding leads to increased unity. You got to talk these things through and you've got to understand where the other person's coming from.

Number two. This one is critical. Agree on a unified budget. If you're a consistent listener to the show, you know, I always stress the importance of having a budget. It is something you need to [00:10:00] do. One major source of conflict is unclear or clashing expectations about spending. Creating a shared budget. You both buy into reduces money fights significantly. Use an app to track all income and expenses, then have regular meetings. As we talked about before. To assess how you're adhering to your budget. And if any changes are needed, these budgets aren't meant to be cast in concrete, like the 10 commandments they're going to change as circumstances change. Maybe you have another child, maybe you decide a child needs to go into private school. There's all kinds of things that will make impacts on your budget. But equal visibility leads to equal accountability.

Number three, set, shared short and long-term money goals, maybe even intermediate goals. This is a key. You have to both set goals and then work on achieving them together. Dream together about what you want to accomplish financially, both in the next few months, maybe in the next few weeks, and then talk about [00:11:00] long-term things that happen down the road. Do you want to pay off debt? Do you want to save up for a family vacation? Do you want to buy a rental property? There are so many things that you could do, but you need to outline the exact steps needed to reach each goal. Then check in off and then hold one. Another accountable for progress made. Shared goals lead to shared motivation and vision.

Number four, explore resources to grow financial intimacy. It's all about surrounding yourself with mentors and accountability partners who can help you. I don't expect you to do this on your own consider meeting with a financial advisor or a money coach together. Read a relevant book or article and discuss takeaways. This is a place where I'd highly recommend my book on mastering your finances. It's available at askralphpodcast.com/store it's 47 pages that will impact your financial future. And this is something you can work on together. You can read this together. Listen to podcast episodes on the topic. You can certainly go [00:12:00] back and listen to this show. We've got over 400 episodes in our catalog, and you can search for a topic right from our website. This is a great time to attend a class at your church on managing finances. God's way. Exposing yourself to trusted outside wisdom helps cement new unified habits. It takes. People mentors, accountability, partners, all these things are just going to help you.

Conclusion and Encouragement

Well, I hope this overview on aligning financially with your spouse was helpful. I hope it gives you some things that you can put into motion today. God cares deeply about unity within marriage. And money. Harmony plays a big part. Getting on the same financial page, takes some upfront work, but the longterm benefits for your relationship are worthwhile. They're immeasurable. Don't get discouraged. If you hit snags along the journey, we all have struggles in this area. Seek guidance from wise counselors as needed be patient with one another. And keep your eyes fixed on your shared vision. visit [00:13:00] askralphpodcast.com for more episodes and resources on integrating your faith and your finances. Please share this episode with other married couples who could use encouragement. And guidance on this journey.

And as I always say, stay financially savvy my friends, work on building trust and building these relationships together and make God bless you today.

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