Have I become a virtual hermit?

[00:00:00] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Let's start with a simple question today.

[00:00:02] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Are you using technology to truly connect with others? Or maybe you’re unknowingly using it as an escape from real human interaction. Have you found yourself scrolling through social media for hours? And at the end, feeling more isolated than ever. Or maybe you've realized that your online relationships lack depth and authenticity of those face-to-face interactions. If so, let me tell you you're not alone. And today's episode is just for you. Today on the Ask Ralph Show, we're going to explore how technology might be removing genuine human connections while masquerading as a communications tool. On today's show, we're going to answer a very simple question. Have you become a virtual hermit? Stay tuned for the answer.

[00:00:57] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Before we dive in, let me remind you about yesterday's episode. That's where we discussed how your retirement account balances compared to others in your age group. If you missed it, head right over to askralph.com to catch up. That was crucial information for anyone planning for their financial future. And I hope we're all doing that. It was also a stark reality check and a reminder that it's never too late to get started with setting aside money for your retirement. So I encourage you to check it out.

[00:01:29] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Well, now let's get to today's topic. I received a message from Gary. He's a longtime listener and he writes this.

[00:01:35] Ralph Estep, Jr.: “Dear Ralph. I've been noticing that I spend more and more time on my phone and computer. I'm telling myself I'm staying connected with friends and family. I've been working from home since COVID. And while it's really great for me overall, it really seems like life is just one Zoom meeting or Slack chat after another. I can't even remember the last time I actually had a real live face-to-face meeting with a friend from work. I really enjoyed the freedom of working from home at first, but lately I feel more isolated than ever. I am really worried that technology's become an escape rather than a tool for real connection. Ralph, how can I use technology in a way that enhances my relationships instead of replacing them?”

[00:02:20] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Listen, Gary, thank you for your honest and thought-provoking question. It's what I believe many of us struggle with, including myself. Before I dive into my response, I want to remind you that your questions are the heart of this show. If you have a question about finance faith, or how the two intersect, please send it to me. You can send it to me at ralph@askralph.com or visit our website. That's askralph.com and click on the microphone icon at the bottom and simply record your message.

[00:02:50] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Welcome to the Ask Ralph Show. I'm your host, Ralph Estep, Jr. and I'm so glad you joined me today. Whether you're a first-time listener or a long-time member of our community, I appreciate you for taking time to tune in and listen, if you haven't already, I invite you to visit our website. That's at askralph.com and join our community. And when you do, you'll receive a free copy of my book, “Mastering Your Finances.” Now, this book usually sells for $10 on Amazon, but it's my gift to you when you join our email list. And if you find value in today's episode, do me a huge favor, share it with someone who might benefit from this discussion you're sharing. The show will allow it to grow and together we will reach more people with a positive message. That might just change their life.

[00:03:36] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Before we get into today's topic, I'd like to share a verse I believe really is relevant to our discussion today. This one hit it like a home run they say. Comes to us from Proverbs 18:24. And it says this, "One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." This verse reminds us of the importance of genuine deep connections in our lives. These are those connections that simply cannot be managed online but need to be one-on-one personal interactions.

[00:04:14] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Now let's address Gary's question about technology and human connection. I want to start by sharing a personal story that I believe will resonate with many of you. A few years ago, I noticed a troubling trend amongst some of my closest friends. These are people I'd known for years, individuals I shared countless memories with. But gradually, our face-to-face interactions began to dwindle. At first, I didn't think much of it after all. We're still in touch through text messages, social media, and that occasional video call. I told myself this was just a natural evolution of friendship in this digital age. But as time went on, I started to feel a gnawing sense of disconnect. Sure. I knew what my friends were up to based on their social media posts. But I realized I had no idea at all how they were really doing. Were they happy? Were they struggling?

[00:05:04] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Those surface level interactions we were having through technology. Weren't giving me the full picture. Sure. I was able to surf the Facebook post of all those back to school, holiday and vacation photos. But the personal interaction was gone, and I found myself simply liking their posts, but never really talking to them about their feelings. Talking about their fears and being able to share the same with them. One friend in particular, let's call him Tom. Became what I now refer to as a virtual hermit. Tom had always been outgoing and social, but over time he retreated more and more into the digital world. He would decline invitations to get together. saying he was just too busy. But I'd see him active online at all hours. When we did manage to meet up, he seemed distracted, constantly checking his phone.

[00:05:50] Ralph Estep, Jr.: All right. Time for a Ralph rant. If you and I are getting together face to face, please put the phone away. Unless it's an emergency. I am very sure you can take a digital break for an hour or two. I actually did a show a few weeks ago about taking a digital Sabbath. So maybe we need to revisit that because I'm so tired of competing with social media while trying to talk in person. Okay, the rant is over. Let's get back to talking about Tom.

[00:06:14] Ralph Estep, Jr.: The turning point with my friend, Tom came, when he went through a difficult breakup. I found out about it, not through a heart to heart conversation, but through some vague social media post. When I reached out to check on him, he assured me yea Ralph. I'm fine. He had plenty of support from his online community, but something just didn't sit right with me. So I decided to take action. Instead of sending another text or leaving a comment. I drove the Tom's house unannounced. When he opened the door, I saw a man who was far from fine. His apartment was a mess. There was stuff just thrown everywhere. There was a foul odor all around it.

[00:06:52] Ralph Estep, Jr.: It was dark and dank. Just like a scene from a horror movie. And worst of all, he looked like he hadn't slept or for that matter showered in days. As we sat down to talk. Once we cleared away the empty beer bottles and pizza boxes, I mean, really talk for the first time in months, Tom broke down. He admitted that despite his hundreds of online friends, he felt completely alone.

[00:07:16] Ralph Estep, Jr.: See, the truth is those online friends are not really your friends at best. Maybe they're fellow online acquaintances, but they're not your friends. This experience was a wakeup call for me. It made me realize how easy it is to use technology as an escape. To create a facade of connection while actually disconnecting from true, genuine human interaction. It also showed me the power of real face-to-face connections.

[00:07:43] Ralph Estep, Jr.: So, how did I overcome the situation and what steps can you take to use technology for true connection rather than escapism? Well, after meeting with Tom, I became worried that I could easily fall into that same trap as him. It was a true aha moment for me. So at that point, I decided to make some changes in my life. And Gary. Here are some things that I did, and I hope you'll find it to do these as well.

[00:08:05] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Number one. Set boundaries. I started by setting specific times for checking social media and responding to non-urgent messages. This helped me be more present in my real-life interactions. If I'm with somebody face to face, the phone goes in the pocket, or I leave it in another room. And listen, be careful, those smartwatches as well. It's easy to look down at those as well. And what you're telling the person is that. What you're saying is it's really not that important to me. I've got to check my watch.

[00:08:32] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Number two. You have got to prioritize face to face interactions. I made a conscious effort to schedule regular in-person meetings with friends and family, even though it meant meeting less frequently. The quality of those interactions far outweighed. The quantity of digital communications. Yeah, this is the truth. I see this every day in my accounting practice. The convenience and ease of meeting with clients via zoom is appealing. But I still long for those meetings where they come to the farm here in my office and we can sit down and connect face to face. No, this isn't always possible, but we've got to strive for those personal interactions and make them a priority.

[00:09:10] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Number three. You've got to use technology to enhance and not replace. Instead of relying solely on social media to keep in touch. I started using technology to facilitate real-world meetups. For example, I created a group chat to plan monthly dinners with friends and listen. I also announced the Facebook insiders group for the Ask Ralph show. And I'm going to encourage you to join the group and use it as a way to connect with others who may be dealing with the same struggles you're seeing. I have a link in the show notes to join, and I encourage you to come and take part in that community.

[00:09:43] Ralph Estep, Jr.: The next thing, number four. Practice active listening. When you're using technology for communication. I focused on being fully present. This meant giving my full attention to video calls and responding thoughtfully to messages rather than some quick superficial replies that like one away. Now, listen, this is hard work, especially when you're doing an online meeting. I don't know about you, but I've gotten multiple monitors here on my desk, and I'll tell you that I have caught myself zoning out during a meeting and completely missing the conversation while I check something on the other screen.

[00:10:16] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Now, one of the ways I changed that dynamic is I bought an Elgato prompter looking at it right now. I bought this several months ago. So I'm encouraged to keep my eyes on that screen and maintain eye contact with others in the meeting. If you do a ton of online meetings, it's really a great idea. I'm going to put a link to it in the show notes.

[00:10:33] Ralph Estep, Jr.: And finally number five. You've got to create tech free zones. I designated certain areas of my home and certain times of the day as tech-free, this has helped me reconnect with myself and my family without those digital distractions. Also made a habit of keeping my iPhone in my pocket when I'm out eating with others and generally ignoring my apple watch. Yes, I am an apple nerd. Got all their products.

[00:10:57] Ralph Estep, Jr.: So Gary, these steps made a significant difference in my life and in my relationships. As for Tom our face-to-face conversation that day was the beginning of his journey back to that genuine connection. We worked together to help him rebuild his real-world social network and over time. I saw the old Tom reemerge, happier, more grounded and more generally connected. He also started a new relationship with someone he met not online, but actually at the gym. And he tells me that relationship has been really great for him. Plus it encourages him to get to the gym since they do that together.

[00:11:32] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Remember this. Technology is a tool and it can be a very powerful and excellent tool. Just like a hammer. If it's used, well, it can build some beautiful things. But if it's used poorly, it can truly destroy the world around you. Technology is like any tool. Finds its value. Depends on how we use it. When used mindfully. It can enhance our lives and our relationships. But when it becomes an escape or substitute for real connection, it can lead to isolation and disconnection.

[00:12:05] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Well, let's recap. The key points we discussed today. You've got to be aware of how you're using technology. Ask yourself this question. Is it enhancing your relationships or replacing them? You've got to set boundaries around your technology use. It's time to prioritize face to face interactions. You can use technology to facilitate real work connections, but not replace them. And last but not least. Practice being fully present, whether that's in our digital or real-world or interactions, the people around you will really appreciate it.

[00:12:39] Ralph Estep, Jr.: I hope this episode has given you some food for thought and practical steps to take. Now, tomorrow, we're going to be discussing another important topic. I get a lot of questions about this one and says, why should I consider collecting social security benefits early? So be sure to tune in for that. Now, listen, if you're struggling to find balance in your digital life, if you'd like help managing your finances in a way that aligns with your values. I'm going to encourage you to schedule an appointment with me. Just go to askralphpodcast.com/store, and you can book a session with me.

[00:13:08] Ralph Estep, Jr.: I'm certain I can help you find success in your personal finances. It just takes some courage on your part to book that first session. Why don't you do it right now?

[00:13:17] Ralph Estep, Jr.: Thank you for listening to the Ask Ralph Show. Remember this: Technology is a servant, not a master. Use it wisely. And as I always say, stay financially savvy and God bless you today.