What Are the Warning Signs That a Loved One May Need Financial Assistance?

What to Do When You Suspect Your Mom Has Dementia and She's Still Handling Her Finances

Welcome back to the show, listeners! Before we dive into today's topic, I want to share a story. A close friend of mine recently confided in me about her struggles with her aging mother. Her mom, once a vibrant and independent woman, had become increasingly forgetful and confused. She would misplace things, struggle to follow conversations, and get lost in familiar places. What was most concerning was that her mom was still managing her own finances, and my friend was worried about potential mistakes or even exploitation. This situation, unfortunately, is not uncommon. Today, we're going to tackle this sensitive and potentially challenging topic: what to do when you suspect a loved one, specifically your mom, might be experiencing dementia and is still in control of her finances. This is a situation many of us may face the Warning Signs That a Loved One May Need Financial Assistance, and it's essential to approach it with wisdom, compassion, and a firm foundation in our Christian values.

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Recognizing the Signs

First, it's crucial to recognize the potential signs of dementia. These can be subtle at first, but they gradually become more noticeable as the condition progresses. Some common indicators include:

• Memory problems: Difficulty remembering recent events, appointments, or conversations. Your mom might ask the same questions repeatedly or struggle to recall details about recent events.
• Confusion: Getting lost in familiar places, struggling to follow instructions, or misplacing things. She might have trouble finding her way home from the grocery store or misplace her keys or wallet.
• Changes in behavior or personality: Increased anxiety, agitation, or withdrawal from social activities. She might become more irritable, suspicious, or withdrawn from social interactions.
• Difficulty with daily tasks: Problems with cooking, cleaning, or managing medications. She might struggle to prepare meals, keep her house tidy, or remember to take her medications on time.
• Financial mismanagement: Unusual spending habits, unpaid bills, or difficulty handling money. This can manifest as difficulty balancing her checkbook, making unusual purchases, or neglecting to pay bills on time¹. In fact, studies have shown that problems with paying bills can be an early sign of dementia, sometimes appearing years before a clinical diagnosis².

If you notice these signs in your mom, it's essential to approach the situation with love and concern. Remember that dementia is a disease, and your mom isn't choosing to behave this way.

Honoring Your Mother and Protecting Her Well-being

As Christians, we're called to honor our parents. This commandment is rooted in Scripture, with Exodus 20:12 stating, "Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." ³ Honoring our parents includes respecting their independence and autonomy, allowing them to make their own choices and live their lives as they see fit. However, it also encompasses a responsibility to protect their well-being, especially when they're vulnerable⁴. This can be particularly challenging when a parent is facing a condition like dementia, which can impair their judgment and decision-making abilities.

Balancing these two aspects of honoring our parents – respecting their independence while ensuring their safety and security – can be a delicate act. It requires wisdom, discernment, and a reliance on God's guidance. It's essential to remember that honoring your mother in this situation doesn't mean simply standing back and watching as she potentially makes harmful financial decisions. It means stepping in with love and support to help her navigate this challenging season of life.

Starting the Conversation

Talking to your mom about your concerns is a crucial first step, but it can also be one of the most difficult. Dementia can make individuals more sensitive, defensive, or even in denial about their condition. Approaching the conversation with sensitivity, empathy, and a focus on your love and concern for her well-being is essential. Here are some tips to help you navigate this conversation:

• Choose the right time and place: Find a quiet, private setting where you can talk openly and honestly without distractions or interruptions.
• Be patient and understanding: Dementia can cause frustration and confusion, so approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to repeat yourself or explain things in different ways.
• Focus on your concern for her well-being: Explain that you've noticed some changes and you're worried about her health and safety.
• Listen to her perspective: She may be aware of her challenges and have her own thoughts and feelings about the situation. Give her space to share her perspective and acknowledge her feelings.
• Offer support and assistance: Let her know you're there to help in any way you can. This might involve helping her with some financial tasks, organizing her bills, or simply being there to listen and offer emotional support⁵.

Exploring Legal and Financial Options

If your mom is open to discussing her finances and legal arrangements, it's wise to explore options that can protect her assets and ensure her wishes are honored as her condition progresses. Financial and legal planning is an important role for caregivers⁶. Here are some key legal and financial tools to consider:

• Power of Attorney: This legal document allows your mom to appoint someone she trusts (like you or another family member) to make financial and legal decisions on her behalf if she becomes unable to do so⁷. It's crucial to have a durable power of attorney, which remains in effect even if your mom loses mental capacity⁷. This ensures that someone can continue to manage her finances and legal affairs even if she's no longer able to do so herself.
• Guardianship: If your mom is no longer able to make sound decisions about her care or finances, guardianship may be necessary. This involves a court process where someone is appointed to make these decisions on her behalf⁸. While guardianship can provide necessary protection, it's generally considered a last resort when other options, like power of attorney, are no longer sufficient.
• Living Trust: This legal tool can help manage your mom's assets and ensure they're distributed according to her wishes after her passing⁹. A living trust can also help avoid probate court, which can be a lengthy and expensive process.
• Protecting Against Financial Abuse: It's important to be aware that people with dementia may be more vulnerable to financial abuse⁴. This can include scams, exploitation by family members or caregivers, or simply making poor financial decisions due to impaired judgment. Taking steps to protect your mom's finances, such as monitoring her bank accounts, limiting access to her credit cards, and educating her about potential scams, can help safeguard her financial well-being.

When considering these options, it's essential to consult with an elder law attorney who specializes in these matters. They can help you understand the legal requirements in your state, determine the best options for your mom's specific situation, and ensure that all documents are properly prepared⁶. It's also crucial to have these conversations and put legal arrangements in place early, even if your mom seems resistant. Putting financial and legal plans in place now allows the person with dementia to express wishes for future care and decisions⁶.

In addition to appointing a trusted individual as your mom's power of attorney, it's also wise to name a successor (back-up) agent in the event that the primary agent may one day be unable to act¹⁰. This ensures continuity in managing your mom's affairs and provides a safety net in case unforeseen circumstances arise.

Seeking Support and Guidance

Navigating the challenges of dementia caregiving can be emotionally and spiritually taxing. It's essential to remember that you're not alone and to seek support from various sources. Here are some avenues for finding guidance and assistance:

• Christian Community: Reach out to your church community and pastors to share what's going on¹¹. They can offer prayer, emotional support, and practical assistance, such as providing meals, running errands, or simply offering a listening ear.
• Support Groups: Consider joining a support group specifically for caregivers of those with dementia¹². These groups provide a safe and supportive space to share your experiences, connect with others facing similar challenges, and learn from each other's experiences.
• Christian Organizations: Several Christian organizations offer resources and guidance for families dealing with dementia¹³. For example, the "Loving Through Dementia" program provides support groups, conferences, workshops, and consultations to help families navigate the challenges of dementia care¹⁴. Their website, lovingthroughdementia.org, offers valuable information and resources for families facing dementia.
• Respite Care: Explore respite programs in your local community¹¹. Respite care provides temporary relief for caregivers, allowing you to take a break, attend to personal needs, or simply recharge. This can be crucial in preventing caregiver burnout and ensuring that you can continue to provide the best possible care for your mom.
• Faith: Remember to rely on God's strength and wisdom throughout this journey¹². Lean on your faith for comfort, guidance, and the strength to face each day's challenges. Prayer, Scripture reading, and connecting with your faith community can provide spiritual nourishment and renew your spirit.

Emotional and Spiritual Considerations

Caring for a parent with dementia is not just about managing finances and legal matters; it's also about navigating a complex emotional and spiritual landscape. As Christians, we're called to approach this journey with grace, wisdom, and compassion, recognizing that our aging parents, even with their declining cognitive abilities, are still precious individuals created in God's image¹⁵.

Here are some key emotional and spiritual considerations:

• Value and Dignity: Dementia doesn't erase a person's worth or personhood¹⁶. Even as your mom's cognitive abilities decline, she remains a beloved child of God, deserving of respect, love, and dignity. Treat her with the same kindness and compassion you would offer anyone, recognizing that her inherent value remains unchanged.
• Compassionate Communication: As dementia progresses, communication can become more challenging. Be patient, understanding, and willing to adapt your communication style to meet her needs. Use simple language, avoid overwhelming her with information, and focus on connecting with her emotionally.
• Forgiveness and Grace: Dementia can sometimes lead to challenging behaviors or personality changes. Extend forgiveness and grace to your mom, recognizing that these behaviors are often a result of the disease and not a reflection of her true character.
• Spiritual Well-being: If your mom is a Christian, continue to nurture her spiritual well-being. Read Scripture together, sing hymns, and pray with her. Even if she struggles to understand the words, the familiar rhythms and melodies can bring comfort and connection.

Stories of Faith and Resilience

Many Christian families have walked this path before, facing the challenges of dementia with faith, love, and resilience. Their stories can offer encouragement, inspiration, and practical wisdom as you navigate your own journey.

One such story is shared by a Christian woman who witnessed her mother's decline due to dementia¹⁷. She describes the early signs, the challenges of communication, and the emotional toll of watching her once vibrant mother struggle with memory loss and confusion. However, she also emphasizes the importance of finding humor in the midst of difficulty, sharing an anecdote about her mother mistaking the name "Max Lucado" for "Mashed Potatoes." This story reminds us that even in the face of dementia, moments of joy, connection, and laughter can still be found.

Biblical Principles to Guide You

As you navigate this challenging season, remember to lean on the wisdom and guidance found in Scripture. Here are some biblical principles that can offer comfort and direction:

• Honor your parents: This foundational principle, found in Exodus 20:12, calls us to respect, care for, and support our parents as they age. This includes making difficult decisions with their best interests in mind, even when those decisions involve taking on more responsibility or making changes to their living arrangements.
• Love your neighbor as yourself: This principle, articulated by Jesus in Matthew 22:39, reminds us to extend compassion and empathy to all, including our aging parents. Dementia can be a lonely and isolating disease, and your love and support can make a profound difference in your mom's well-being.
• Seek wisdom: James 1:5 encourages us to ask God for wisdom when we face challenges. When dealing with a parent's suspected dementia, you'll encounter many difficult decisions and situations. Seek God's guidance through prayer, Scripture reading, and wise counsel from trusted Christian friends and advisors.
• Trust in God's provision: Philippians 4:19 assures us that God will supply all our needs according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus. This doesn't mean that the journey will be easy, but it does mean that God will provide the strength, resources, and comfort you need to face each day.

Conclusion

Dealing with a parent's suspected dementia is never easy. It's a journey filled with challenges, emotions, and difficult decisions. However, by approaching the situation with love, seeking wise counsel, and relying on God's guidance, you can honor your mom, protect her well-being, and navigate this challenging journey with grace and strength. Remember that God is with you every step of the way, offering comfort, wisdom, and the assurance of his unwavering love.

Synthesis

This situation presents a unique challenge for Christian families. Balancing the biblical mandate to honor your parents with the need to protect their financial well-being requires wisdom, discernment, and open communication. Early intervention is key. Having conversations about finances and legal arrangements before dementia progresses can prevent potential crises and ensure your mom's wishes are respected. Remember to rely on your faith, seek support from your Christian community, and consult with professionals experienced in elder law and dementia care. By combining practical steps with spiritual guidance, you can navigate this challenging situation with grace and love.

As Christians, we can find comfort in knowing that God's love and grace extend to those with dementia and their caregivers. Dementia doesn't diminish a person's inherent value or worth in God's eyes. We can honor our parents by providing loving care, protecting their well-being, and seeking to understand their needs, even as they change. This journey may be difficult, but it's also an opportunity to demonstrate Christ's love and compassion to those who need it most.

Works cited

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