Why don’t I feel like I’m doing well financially – even though I am according to most experts?

Ralph
00:00:00

Have you ever felt like you're doing everything right with your money, but something still feels well.... off? You earn well, you save consistently, your investments are growing, but that nagging feeling in your gut just won't go away. You see the numbers adding up, but your heart isn't at peace. If you've ever wondered why financial success on paper doesn't always translate to inner contentment, stay with me. Today, we're tackling the question "Why don't I feel like I'm doing well financially even though I am according to most experts?"

Narrator
00:00:36

Welcome to the Ask Ralph podcast, where listening to an experienced financial professional with over 30 years of experience can help you make sense of confusing questions, current headlines and industry trends about taxes, small business, financial decision making, investment strategies, and even the art of proper budgeting. Ask Ralph makes complex simple by sharing his real world knowledge from a Christian perspective with all things financial.

Now here's your Host, Ralph Estep Jr.

Ralph
00:01:05

Well, thank you for joining me today. I'm honored to be a part of your day. And listen, I've walked the path we're going to talk about today. I've struggled with balancing finance and spiritual growth. So I understand the challenges and I've got some great answers for you today.

If you missed yesterday's show, I talked all about EIN. That's those Employer Identification Numbers. I broke down what you need to know, and I shared some essential knowledge. So I want to encourage you right now to follow this show. The best way to do that is if you go to askralphpodcast.com/follow. You join us there and we'll always be sending you a message and let you know when the next episode is going to be released. And we do it every day, so if you follow us on Apple or on Spotify, it'll actually go right to your device.

Now today's letter comes from Shannon all the way from Louisiana. And listen, this one touched my heart because it speaks to something many of us experience but we rarely talk about. This is what she said. She said, "Dear Ralph, I'm embarrassed to even write this. On paper, everything looks perfect. I make $85,000 a year, I have six months of emergency savings, I contribute 15% to my retirement, and my mortgage payment is only 25% of my take-home pay. I tithe regularly and even have some money left for charitable giving. But every night, I lay awake feeling like I'm failing. When my friends talk about their investment returns or their children's college funds, I feel this knot in my stomach. The financial advisors I've spoken to tell me I'm doing great, but if that's true, why do I feel so inadequate? I pray about it, but the anxiety persists. Am I missing something spiritually? Financially? Or both?"

What a great question Shannon. Now, if you've got a question, I'm going to encourage you go to justaskralph.com and share your question because I love answering those questions because my goal is to help you.

Shannon, you know, my goal is always to tie the question of the day to scripture. It needs to be our roadmap. And I found this verse from Ecclesiastes 5:10-12, and it tells us this. "Whoever loves money never has enough; whoever loves wealth is never satisfied with their income. This too is meaningless. As goods increase, so do those who consume them. And what benefit are they to the owners except to feast their eyes on them? The sleep of a laborer is sweet, whether they eat little or much, but as for the rich, their abundance permits them no sleep." You know, this verse, it struck me because it really speaks to the tension you're feeling. I get it. And to be honest with you, many of us feel this way. And I think really what we're talking about here is a very stark warning about how we measure our success. So that's my whole goal today, to break this down and tell you how to do this better for me and for you.

Well, let me start by sharing something very personal with you today. Sometimes, I feel like I overshare, but I want you to understand how I'm impacted by the very things that you're impacted by. I guess it was about 10 years ago, and I felt the same as you Shannon. I look back, my accounting practice was growing. My investment portfolio was growing. My wife and I had just bought our farm. We’re both driving new cars. Truth is we weren't stressing over anything financial. When we looked at it by worldly standards and external measures, we were succeeding financially.

And the funny thing is my whole world is about offering financial guidance. You know, I help others measure their own success. So I could see that. I could see the rational part of that. I could see the monetary part of it. But the truth is deep down, I was battling my own feelings. I felt so inadequate. I just didn't feel like I was getting anywhere. When I look back at it now, in many ways, it was a personal crisis. I was seeking what I define as true financial peace. Just like you Shannon, I wanted to sleep soundly at night. And I saw that as my numbers in my account grew, so do my anxiety. That's not a place that I wanted to be for long. But it was a season, this season in my life taught me some very valuable lessons and I want to share with you what I call the four hidden barriers to financial peace.

And that's really what we're going to be talking about today. What are those four hidden barriers to find financial peace? So let's jump right into it. The first one I call the Expert Trap. Because the truth is traditional financial advice focuses on metrics. It's all about those debt-to-income ratios.

How much is your return on your investment? And what's that blessed credit score. But here's what they don't tell you. And it's a truth bomb. These numbers are just tools, they're not destinations. It's so easy to get that confused. Listen, working in the financial industry, I've seen way too many people.

I mean, countless people. They had mastered the metrics. The metrics were perfect. Their debt ratio was great. They didn't have this. They did have this. Investment portfolio was growing, but let me tell you, these are some of the most miserable people you'll meet in your life. Because they had prosperity by worldly measures, by those financial matrices. They had that prosperity, but they didn't have a purpose. So let me tell you about my client.

We'll call him Tom. And this particular guy, he had a net worth of over $2 billion. So yeah, by worldly standards, he had arrived. But let me tell you about Tom. Tom was popping anxiety meds like candy. He told me I need these just to function.

So you ask why? Well, the truth is Tom was measuring his worth by his wealth. He wasn't using his calling. So that's the first thing we need to be aware of. The Expert Trap. The experts will tell you oh, you're doing fantastic. But if you're still feeling that anxiety like me, and like you Shannon, we got to look beyond that. So let's look at number two. Number two is the Comparison Curse. And I've noticed something absolutely fascinating. These financial apps, social media, it's created what I call prosperity paranoia. And that's really what it is.

It's a prosperity paranoia. We're all watching these financial highlights reel. It's those snapshots of fake success. Think about it. It's like trying to run a race while we're watching everyone else's speed on a giant scoreboard. We've got to move past that. That comparison is going to keep you from finding that financial peace and moving away from that anxiety.

If you're always looking at social media, well, this person has more than me or looking for that prosperity paranoia, we're all watching those financial highlight reels. Oh look at that one just bought a new car. This one bought a beach house. But then you don't understand is those are just snapshots of fake success.

I'm not saying that those people aren't doing well. I'm not saying that. But if you're running that race and all you do is spend time looking at what other people are doing, you're not going to get ahead. We got to move past that. Let's talk about number three and that's the Purpose Gap. And truth is, in many ways, this is what absolutely was my breakthrough moment. This was the time when I realized something. And when I think back at it now, and I have put it together since that point, I asked was I achieving financial stability? Sure. Absolutely by worldly measures I had a nice house, a nice bank account, nice stuff. The problem was I was not finding God's purpose in my life. And that's why there's so many people who have achieved those matrix of financial wealth and they go, they feel empty. I've felt that and I'm sure Shannon, you felt the same way. And I had to ask myself, you know, I didn't understand God's purpose.

I didn't understand why he was blessing me. At least I had enough understanding I was being blessed. I had no idea what he wanted me to do with these resources. It's kind of like having a powerful car. Like that Corvette I had a few years back. It's a powerful car, but with no destination. I mean, I could get to somewhere fast, but if I didn't have any idea where I was going, what was the point of it? And that's when I tell you what, it was a light bulb moment for me. I needed to align my financial decisions with my faith. I needed to align my faith with my God given purpose. And that's when everything changed. It was also the impetus for this show in many ways. I found this to be my mission field. I didn't launch it right away, but I had known that it was birth back then. And I realize it's all about balancing my finances with my faith.

So that's number three, you got to figure out your purpose. That's why I call it the Purpose Gap. And number four. The Faith-Finance Disconnect. See, so many of us have created what I call an artificial divide. We've set up this divide between Sunday faith and Monday finances. It's just arbitrary, but here's another truth bomb for you. God truly cares about every dollar that passes through your hands. Let me say that again. God cares about every single dollar that passes through your hands. It's just a fact. And we've got to find this balance. Remember, these are not our assets.

They are not our investments. There'd be a loan to us from God and we've got to learn how to use them for his kingdom purpose. So that's when I say, you know, we've got this Faith-Finance Disconnect. It was huge and it was a real eyeopener for me because we all, a lot of us do this. We set up this divide between Sunday faith and Monday finances, but there doesn't have to be a divide. So you might be asking Ralph, how did recognizing these barriers change your dynamic?

And I'm so glad you asked that because this is the central issue today. I can still remember it. I was sitting in my office. I spent a lot of time in my office. But this particular, it was a late night here on the farm. And I just got my investment statement. I'm looking at this thing. And honestly, the numbers were impressive and I'm not bragging. I had worked hard.

I get it. And as they say, I had something to show for it. So then why was I feeling so empty? And trust me, I was really feeling empty.

Looking back, I felt like I was spiritually broke. I was emotionally bankrupt.

But it was in that quiet, see, I always say this. Sometimes you got to shut up and listen. You got to listen for God's voice. And that night I heard it. Now, it wasn't some boisterous thing like Ralph, you will do this, but he spoke to me. And he asked me this very pointed question. He said, Ralph, are you being faithful with what I've entrusted to you?

All I can say is ouch. Listen, that was a moment of fear and self-awareness. Again, think about what he asked me. He said, are you being faithful with what I've entrusted to you? And that's a question we all have to answer. Was I being faithful? What did that even look like? How could I measure it? I'm an accountant.

I like measuring things. I understand debits and credits. I understand the financials, but this question was far deeper than anything I had ever considered. And the worst part, it required an answer. It required an answer if I ever wanted to stop feeling empty. And I wanted to get past that feeling of emptiness because listen, I had the cars.

I had the watches. If you listen to me, you know I say this all the time, but I lacked purpose and that was the emptiness. And the truth is this question revolutionized my approach to money. It revolutionized my approach to money. And I had to learn to stop asking, am I doing enough? Because that wasn't the right question to ask. And I started asking, am I being faithful with what God has entrusted to me? And that's the question you've got to ask yourself. And let me tell you, it was a soul shaking moment. This shift in thought not only transformed my financial perspective but also my entire approach to stewardship. And I'm going to share five practical steps that you can take today to start your own transformation, because I don't want to leave you without that, but first let me ask you. Are you losing sleep wondering how you'll afford everything on the holiday list this year? Are you tired of every year being buried under a mountain of holiday debt? Are you looking to create those magical Christmas memories without the financial stress that always comes with them? I want to encourage you today.

Discover peace of mind with my free "Surviving the holidays without going broke" guide. In this guide that I put together, you're going to learn how a proven budget system that actually works will help you get through the holidays without going broke. I'm going to talk about smart shopping strategies to slash your costs.

I'm going to talk about ways to create magical memories without maxing out credit cards. I'm also going to share some tips for teaching kids gratitude in the gimme world. And how to keep your faith and family at the center of your celebration. And listen, don't let January's credit card bill steal your holiday joy.

I see so many people that they allow that to happen. They have a great holiday, but then man, come January and February, those bills start coming in and they're like Ralph, was it worth it? So I'm going to encourage you, download my free guide. You can get that at askralphpodcast.com, and this is really easy, /Christmas.

So again, that's askralphpodcast.com/christmas. And make this the most meaningful and may I say affordable holiday season yet. Your stress-free holiday season starts here. Again, that's at askralphpodcast.com/christmas. And I promise some practical steps for you to begin your transformation journey. And here they are.

Number one, I'm going to encourage you to do what I call the purpose audit. List every financial goal you have. Write down why the goal matters to you. And pray about whether these goals align with God's purpose in your life. Most importantly, be willing to adjust based on what God revealed. So again, I call it the purpose audit. List those financial goals you have. Write them down, but more importantly, write down why they matter to you. And then pray about it and ask God, does this fit into his purpose for your life? And then if you find you need to adjust it, then by all means, make that adjustment. The second thing I'm going to encourage you to do is what I call the three-question rule. And I think you can implement this for every financial decision.

So before making any financial decision and I'll set a number of a hundred dollars. Ask these three questions. Question number one. Does this honor God? Question number two, does this serve my God-given purpose? And question number three, will this bring true peace? So just work through those on every decision that you make.

Does it honor God, does this serve my God-given purpose? And will this bring true peace? I think if you ask yourself those things and what I call the three-question rule, you're going to make better financial decisions, but not only that, you're going to make purpose driven decisions about does this fit into what God is wanting to do in your life.

Well, let's look at number three and I'm going to call that the gratitude practice. And you've heard me talk about this many times. And the more I do this show, the more I realize that finding contentment and finding gratitude is really a big part of the answer. So I'm going to encourage you, start each morning by thanking God for three specific financial blessings. And then keep what I call provision journal, documenting God's faithfulness. And then I'm going to encourage you, share your blessings with others weekly.

Tell them about how God is blessing you. You don't have to be braggadocious about it. That's not what I'm saying. But develop that spiritual habit of starting each morning by writing down three things that God has blessed you with. Keep that in a journal, because when you're feeling low, when you're feeling those anxieties, you're feeling like you're not amounting to anything, go look at that and realize what God has already given you. And then say them to yourself, well, I'm looking for something, but am I really meaning it. Because look at all that God has already given me. Number four, I'm going to call the sacred space protocol. And this is something we all need to do. We've got to create dedicated time for financial prayer.

A lot of people think that's funny that I say that, but listen. God wants to see you financially successful. Why? Because he wants you to be able to use what he's given you, to steward those resources, to help others to fulfill your purpose. I'm not saying to pray about becoming a multimillionaire because a lot of people can't handle the stress of that.

They can't handle the anxiety of that. They won't use it for God's kingdom. So first thing, create that dedicated time for financial prayer and then do a budget review through a biblical lens. Seek wisdom for your decisions. And most importantly, you've got to start releasing that financial anxiety. You got to just leave it at the cross. And say to God, listen, I can't live like this anymore.

I can't live in this constant anxiety. It might mean you disconnect from social media. It might mean you stop measuring yourself as we talked about earlier, based on these standards that just don't make any sense. This comparison trap. You think about again, you're running that race.

And all you're thinking about is let me watch what everybody else is doing. And I just think that's dangerous. I think it's leading you to a path you don't want to get to. And number five of my things that you can do right away is what I call the community connection. And I think this is huge. Join a Bible study focused on stewardship.

There are a lot of churches that have these. You might even find one online. Another thing I'm going to encourage you to do is find an accountability partner. Because what gets measured gets done. And if you've got an accountability partner, you can help them, they can help you and you will get farther along in your journey. Which reminds me to share your journey with trusted believers.

People want to hear how you're being successful. They want to hear how you've taken some tools, and you've learned to be more content, you've learned to understand gratitude, you've learned to start spending money with an intention of fulfilling God's purpose in your life. And then the last thing I'm going to say here, seek mentorship from those who model biblical financial principles. Those are the people you want to be seen with as your mentors. You don't want the highlight reels from Facebook or Instagram or the highlight reels from TikTok, because guess what? Those are sound bites and snapshots that aren't reality, or they might look great. They're showing what they've got under the Christmas tree and all that kind of stuff.

But what they're not showing you is that feeling of despair come January and February, when those bills come in or they have that emergency, and they blew their whole emergency account on Christmas gifts. And I'm not saying don't enjoy Christmas. That's why I talked to you about my guide, and I hope you download it. And remember this. What you're experiencing, this is what I learned. What you're experiencing isn't just about money. It's really not because that's not really the answer. That's a tool. But it's about alignment with God's purpose for your resources. And listen, I've seen this transformation in countless lives to our show and through personal consultation. So it's a journey that you can be successful on. Now tomorrow, we're going to be tackling another challenging topic. And this one is tough. And that's helping parents who haven't prepared for retirement. And listen, that's a tough situation.

It's a situation requires both practical wisdom and compassionate guidance. I'm going to lay it all out for you so you don't want to miss it. And remember this. My passion is to help you achieve financial success. I want to see you live out your dreams. I want to see you grow in your faith. I want to see you find that, that fire of living for what God has purposed for your life. And I know working together, we can master your finances from that Christian perspective. So whether you're struggling with specific financial issues or seeking to grow your wealth in a way that honors God, trust me, I'm here to guide you every step of the way. So as I always say, stay financially savvy out there and God bless you abundantly.

Narrator
00:21:54

Thank you for joining us on the Ask Ralph podcast, and with a simple click to subscribe, we'll invite you back to our next episode. And remember, financial issues don't have to be complicated, Just Ask Ralph.

The information contained in this episode of Ask Ralph is based on data available as of the date of its release.

Saggio Accounting Plus and Ask Ralph Media, Inc. Is under no obligation to update this content if changes occur.

Applying this information to your specific situation requires careful consideration of all facts and circumstances, and any information provided is not to be considered as financial, tax, or legal advice. Please consult your tax advisor or attorney before acting on any material covered.