What happens to your debt when you’re no longer here?

Ralph
00:00:00

Imagine the heartache of losing a loved one, only to discover that they've left behind a mountain of hidden debt. Today, we're helping Don, who's grappling with the financial aftermath of his mother's passing. We're gonna discuss what happens to debt after death and how to protect your family from inheriting financial burdens.

Stay tuned to find some peace of mind together.

Podcast Announcer
00:00:22

In a world where crushing debt keeps you trapped, where living paycheck to paycheck has become your new normal, and where the dream of retirement seems impossibly out of reach, there's hope. Join financial evangelist Ralph Estep Jr. A man who's walked through the fire of financial failure and emerged stronger on the other side.

Welcome to Ask Ralph, the show where real world experience meets biblical truth to break the bondage of financial despair.

Get ready to take control of your money, break free from the financial stress and align your resources with God's purpose for your life. This is Ask Ralph with Ralph Estep Jr.

Ralph
00:00:59

Well, thank you so much for joining me today. I am your financial evangelist, Ralph, and I'm here to make a real impact on your life with today's topic. I am truly grateful that you've chosen to spend your valuable time here with me.

Now, if you missed yesterday's show, we discuss which retirement expenses should you never cut corners on. The key takeaway was prioritize essential expenses like healthcare and housing in your retirement planning. Check it out at askralph.com if you missed it.

Well today, I received an emotional question from a listener named Don, and this is what Don wrote.
He said, "Dear Ralph, I'm writing to you today with a heavy heart and a mind full of questions. My name is Don, and I recently lost my beloved mother. Her passing has left a void in my life that I can't even begin to describe. While I'm still grappling with the emotional pain of her loss, I've also been hit with a financial burden that I never saw coming.
As I began to go through her finances, I discovered a mountain of debt that she had kept hidden from us. It felt like a punch to the gut. I always thought my mother was financially responsible, but now I'm left wondering how she managed to accumulate so much debt without any of us knowing about it. The stress of this discovery has been overwhelming, to say the least.
The debts include credit card balances, medical bills, and even a personal loan that she took out years ago. The total amount is staggering, and it's left me feeling helpless and utterly confused. I'm not sure how to handle this situation and it's causing a lot of tension within our family.
My siblings and I are arguing over who should take responsibility for these debts, and it's tearing us apart at a time when we should be coming together to support each other. The emotional impact of this has been immense. I feel guilty for not knowing about my mother's financial struggles while she was still alive.
I wish I could have helped her or at least been aware of what she was going through. The thought of her carrying this burden alone breaks my heart. At the same time, I'm angry that she didn't confide in us, and I'm frustrated with myself for not being more proactive in discussing finances with her. The financial impact has been equally devastating.
My mother's estate is not large enough to cover all these debts and I'm worried about how this will impact and affect her legacy. She worked hard all her life and I don't want to see her memory to be tarnished by unpaid debts. I'm also concerned about the legal implications and how this will affect the inheritance that she intended for us.
I'm at a loss, Ralph. I don't know where to start or how to navigate this complex situation. I'm scared that if I don't handle it correctly, it could have long lasting consequences for my family. I'm looking for guidance on what happens to debt after death and how I can protect my loved ones from inheriting my financial burdens.
Any advice you can provide will be greatly appreciated. Thank you for your time and for the work you do. Your show has been a source of comfort and wisdom for me, and I hope that you can help me find some peace of mind during this challenging time." And that was signed, Sincerely, Don.

Well Don, let me start by saying this. I want to express my deepest condolences for the loss of your mother. I went through that. It looks like about two years ago now and losing a loved one is never easy. It's just isn't. And it's even more challenging when you're left with these unexpected financial burdens.

So Don, I appreciate your openness about this emotional and the financial struggles you're facing. People can learn from this. And it's not uncommon for people to hide financial problems from their loved ones. I see this time and time again in my practice, but remember, it's not too late to turn things around.

And today, we're going to tackle this issue together. Don, there is hope and you're not alone on this journey. It's funny, as I was preparing for today's episode, it occurred to me just how I'm seeing more and more of this in my practice. And it's been because I've been doing this for over 30 years and I've built these relationships up with clients and they're starting to age and I'm starting to see this play out in my client base.
So I am very familiar with this, Don, and I've got some great ideas for how to get past this situation you're in today and how to prepare yourself so this doesn't happen to your loved ones.

And I just want to remind you, if you've got a question like Don, I would love to answer it.

Just head over to JustAskRalph.com and you can submit your question right there because this is the central part of the show. I'm here to help. This is my calling. This is my mission field. And I would love to hear your questions so that other people can learn by what you're going through.

You know Don, one of the things I wanted to really focus in on today on our Bible verse is the idea of comfort. And I found this one from the book of Psalms, it's chapter 34 verse 18 and it tells us this. And I thought this was a very reassuring verse. It said, "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

And Don, I know when I went through this with my mother, it was a crushing blow. It was the time where you question everything. It's a time where your spirit just feels crushed. But I just want to remind you, even in our darkest hours and those times when we feel like we're all alone, like we're overwhelmed, we don't know how to deal with these emotions, God is there to comfort us and to guide us. And that scripture speaks beautifully about it. And it also reminds us that even in the most challenging financial situations, just like you're going through right now, Don, you're not alone. And I'm going to help you today to get through this and to make sense of this very difficult situation.

So Don, I am truly grateful for your openness. I'm grateful for how you've discussed these hidden debts and the emotional turmoil it's causing in your family. And it reminds me of why I do what I do, and why I do what I do is to help people like you overcome these financial challenges and find peace of mind.

The Lord has equipped me with the experience and understanding to guide you through this difficult time. So Don, that's exactly what I'm going to do today.

Well, let me start by sharing a story with you. And this is a bit of a tearjerker because man, when, I remember going through this with my client, it was really a tough situation, but I want to share with you a story about a man named Michael.

Now Michael faced an unimaginable loss when his wife, Lisa, passed away. She passed away from breast cancer at the age of 38. And I remember when they were going through this, they were clients of mine. I've been working with them, it just started off doing their taxes, but they had really become close to us.

And this one hit home close to me because my wife went through breast cancer at age 33 and God bless her. She just is going to celebrate 20 years cancer free later this year. But Michael and Lisa, they truly fought this battle together. But in the end, Lisa left Michael to navigate life without her. And that was a crushing blow to Michael.

They were so close and he helped her so long along this courageous battle with cancer. But then, you know, we get past the death, we get past the funerals and all that sort of thing. And then it really comes full circle. Michael was really trying to manage their affairs. He started receiving past due notices and credit card statements in the mail.

And the problem was he didn't recognize many of these accounts. He said, Ralph. He said, I have no idea where this credit card coming. I didn't know anything about this. So he started to dig a little deeper as he's getting these phone calls. He's getting these notices. He discovered that Lisa had hidden debts.

She had credit cards. She had a second mortgage on their home and he had no idea about it. And I remember him saying to me one time, he said, Ralph, it's a lot to take in. And he said, at times I felt guilty about it. You know, why would Lisa not share this with me? He said, I felt overwhelmed trying to deal with this.

And then he had that feeling of betrayal. And I did a show about a week or so ago about financial infidelity. So think about this situation. Here's Michael, just lost his wife to this courageous battle with breast cancer. And now he's finding out all these debts that he didn't know about and he just feels guilty.

He's like, why didn't she tell me. I would have helped her. I didn't know this was going on. He feels overwhelmed because he doesn't know what to do about it. And at the very core, he feels betrayed because he said to me, he said, Ralph, I feel like what else did she not tell me? You know, and he said this to me, he said, why didn't she tell me this?

He said to me again, what was she trying to do? And this was crushing to him, you know, dealing with a loss of a spouse is deep enough, but then we add to it this feeling of betrayal. And one day I remember Michael reaching out to me, said, Ralph, listen, I'm trying to handle this on my own, but I can't do this.

And he started making calls. And this is one of the things I encouraged him to do. I said, listen, reach out and call the creditors. He reached out, called the creditors. He got in touch with me. He got in touch with his financial advisor and he even contacted a legal aid clinic because Michael wasn't a wealthy guy.

He didn't have the money to go out  and pay for attorney consultations and all that sort of thing. And let me tell you, that first call was tough on Michael. Michael was one of these guys that figured I can handle. He was like a construction guy. He can handle things. He was good with his hands, but this was just overwhelming for him.

But what he told me afterwards, he said, Ralph, as I went through each conversation, when I talked to her creditors, when I talked to the legal aid folks, when I talked to my financial advisor, he started to feel this control being regained again. He said, Ralph, he says, I couldn't believe just how much control I got.

And his legal aid people recommended he talked to an attorney. And I kind of said to him, I said, Michael, I think you're going to need to spend some money because you've got a situation that's very complicated. That second mortgage and his credit card loan. Some of them were in joint names. Some of them were just in his name.

So he met with a lawyer and we'll call her Sarah. And I remember him telling me afterwards, he said, Ralph, Sarah has been great. She'd listened to me. She didn't judge me. And she really went through each of the debts and explained what he wasn't responsible for and then he could choose whether he went to address them or not.

Because Michael also had this moral feeling like he just didn't want to leave Lisa's stuff, just write it off, just be done with it. So that's exactly what he did. He started working through those financial issues one step at a time. Now, the other thing that Michael did, and I highly recommend this, he joined a support group for folks who had lost partners to cancer.

He felt like he needed to do that. And man, I'm going to tell you right now, if you don't listen to anything else I say today, do that, reach out and get support because these are not things that are easy to get through. And Michael found this community of people who understood what he was going through because a lot of them had gone through it themselves.
They had lost their spouses to cancer. So when he had his weekly meetings, it was a group of people that knew exactly what he was going through. Now, maybe they didn't have the same experience. Maybe they didn't have the same financial issues that had come up, but they certainly understood the emotional and the spiritual things that were going on behind them.

They shared their stories with Michael and Michael found inspiration in their resilience because he saw people that had gone through it. He saw people that were three months out, six months out, nine months out, even a year or two out. And he was right there in that period when it was just now happening for him.

So that's where he really needed to focus. And you might say, Ralph, that's a sad story. It's terrible. But there is an interesting turn here. So one day Michael had finally gotten the courage. He was up in their joint like corner sort of home office and they had piles of paper. He had just let it go.

And he said, Ralph, he said, you know what, I really got to focus on this. So one weekend he determined, he said, Ralph, I'm going to go into our, what he called hit their private study. And he says, I'm just going to go through this stuff. I got to face it head on. I mean, he had already faced creditors because they were calling, they were sending letters.
He got through all of that. So anyway, he's in there cleaning up his personal belongings and her personal belongings. And he found this letter that was written by Lisa said, Dear Michael, on the front. And this isn't a letter he had seen before. I mean, she had been dead, I think at this point, maybe three or four months.

And it took him that long to get through this. And he found this letter. He opens it up and it was a letter that she had written just two or three days before she passed away. And in that letter, she confessed to the debts. She said to Michael, you've already known about this now that I'm going, you see these things.

And she said, you know, she was explaining just how she was trying to secure their financial future because she was scared. Hey, listen, if I'm going through cancer, I can understand where Lisa's coming from. She didn't know what to expect and she was trying so hard to make sure that their finances were in order, but she was way over her skis on this.

She had no idea just how to handle it. She apologized to him and she told him how much she loved him. And this is emotional for me. Think about it. If you're driving right now, you're working, you're doing something, you're listening to the show, or you're watching the show, think about how four months after losing his wife, Michael gets this letter and he had been dealing with this stuff on a daily basis.

He felt that level of betrayal and he just like, he would say it to everyone, I don't understand why she didn't tell me. I don't understand why she did these things. And then along comes this letter. And in that letter, she apologized to Michael. She told him she loved him and she hoped that he could forgive her somehow.

And it was in that letter that Michael finally started to get some closure. Now he's never going to have closure from losing his spouse. When I talk to clients who have lost spouses, that pain, that loss never goes away. But this letter was just a little step towards getting past that situation. And he told me, he said, Ralph, I'm reading this letter.

Sorry, I'm getting a little emotional because it's emotional to me. When my wife went through cancer, man, I was right there. I knew what it was going to feel like if I lost her. God bless, we didn't. But he said, he said, Ralph, I looked up at the sky and said, I forgive you, Lisa, I love you.

And that was what Michael needed at that very moment. And God bless us. You know, we have a Lord that loves us so much that He gives us those things at the very moment that we need them. And from that moment on, Michael kept moving forward. And he was able to turn Lisa's story into something powerful. For him it meant that he volunteered, that group that he joined, he became a leader of that and he helped others navigate through those financial issues when they're dealing with loss or illness or the financial burdens that came along with that. See, people don't wanna talk about that, but many times when you have that cancer, you're exhausting so many of your resource to try to find that cure, to try to find that comfort. And I've seen it firsthand with clients. They have wrecked their finances because they want to, they want to find that cure. They want to find that way to make their loved one not suffer so much. And in the end, Michael was able to find healing.

He was able to find hope and he was able to find new purpose. And this became sort of what I say all the time, my mission field, this became his mission field. And if you really think about it, Michael's story is a testament to love, it's a testament to understanding, and bigger than all of those things, and Don, I hope you're still listening. It's a testament to resilience. And just as the Bible told us, it shows us that even in the darkest times, even when those times when Michael was facing being all alone. I remember him one time telling me, Ralph, he says, you know, when she was still there, it was tough.

She was dealing with chemotherapy. She was dealing with radiation. There was doctor visits. He said, but there was comforting that she was still there. And he says, even when she passed away, you know, there was the funeral, there was the memorial service and people would call and people would drop off stuff.

And he says about two weeks after that, he said, Ralph, I remember coming home one day after church and I just sat there and sobbed because I realized I was all alone. But it's in those darkest times. It's in that time when you feel like you're not going to be able to do it then God stepped right in and it wasn't too long after, like I said, Michael found that letter and it was amazing.

So Don, here's what I want you to hear from that. The first things first Don, you got to take a deep breath and give yourself some grace. Now Don, you didn't lose your wife, but you lost your mom. And like I said, I lost my mom two years ago. It's coming up on the date, March 19th. It's a day that I will never forget.

So Don, I hear what you're going through, but I want you to know it's okay to grieve. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. It's okay to have all of those feelings. Listen, Michael, at first, like I said, he's this tough construction guy. He didn't understand what it was like to be emotional, but it's okay to feel those things.

It's okay to feel lost. It's okay to feel uncertain. It's okay to feel angry. He was angry when he found these debts that he didn't know about. Because listen, in the end, it's a lot to handle. You deal with death. It's a lot to handle. I know clients that have worked through this with losing their spouse and it takes several years to get all that stuff worked out.

So here's another big takeaway, Don, you don't have to rush through it. But let me give you some concrete steps that you can take Don to help you start the process. So when you're ready, this is a whole point of today's show. When you're ready, start gathering all the financial documents you can find. Now Don, in your particular case, you're working with your mother's stuff.

Michael was working with his wife's stuff, but look for those bank statements. Look for those credit card statements. Look for any loan documents, anything that's going to give you a clear picture of your mom's financial situation. Remember, just like Michael found out about Lisa's debt through the mail.

So keep an eye on that as well. I'm assuming your mother didn't live with you. So make sure you set up some sort of mail forwarding so that you know what correspondence is coming to her. That is so crucial. And once you've got a good understanding of what's going on, then it's time to reach out for help.

Because listen to me, Don, this is not something to do completely yourself. It just won't work. The first thing I'm going to encourage you to do, just like Michael did. Reach out to those creditors, explain the situation, explain that your mother passed away and ask them about the options. Because many times, companies have policies in place for situations just like this.

They know it's an inevitability. People are going to die. And they may have a team, they might have a group, they might have a path forward, they might have a plan that they can help you work with this and help you work through it. Now, once you get a good feeling for that, don't make any decisions. This isn't a time to say, Oh yeah, I'm going to send this credit or money.

I'm going to send this credit. No. Collect the data. Like I said, start with the bank statements, the credit card statements, all the loan accounts, all the assets, all of those things. Start there. Reach out to the creditors and understand what the options are. Don't agree to anything. The next thing you got to do, you absolutely got to do this.

And it's going to cost you a few bucks to do it. There are legal aid societies and all that might be able to help you. But consider seeking legal advice. Start talking to a lawyer who specializes in estate and financial matters because they can help guide you through the process. They can explain to you what you're responsible for and what you're not responsible for because oftentimes you're not responsible for many things.

There could be some things that you need to take care of. There can be other things that you don't need to take care of, and they can help you create a plan to address these financial issues. I can help you with that as well. If you want to book a call with me, but I'm going to tell you, I really do believe the best place to start is with that legal visit, because they're going to help to explain to you, okay, this is the joint asset.

You need to pay it. This is not so on and so forth. So that's what I say. Those first three things, collect the data, talk to the creditors, find legal advice. But the next step is a thing a lot of people overlooked on, and it's so crucial that you take care of yourself during this time. It's the thing that Michael found.

Michael found support and found healing in a support group. So I'm going to encourage you to do the same thing Don. Join a support group, talk to friends, talk to family, do whatever you need to ensure that you're not carrying this burden alone because it will weigh you down like an anchor. It truly will.

You got to have to find that support system. At first, Michael tried to do it on his own and he said to me one day, he said, Ralph, what a fool I was. There was all these people around me. They were reaching out to me. There were groups that were looking for people just like me who were going through the same thing.

And he said to me one time, he says, Ralph, I wish I knew about that 30 days or 60 days before I even got into this process. So do that Don, remember this is a process. I talk about it on the show. This is a journey just like our normal financial journeys. This process is a journey as well and it is important and it's okay to take one step at a time.

There is no rush. There truly isn't. There isn't some self imposed deadline that you must accomplish this by this date. Because here's the thing you need to understand. A lot of people don't follow this. You're not just dealing with finances. It's not just numbers on a paper. It's not, well, this debt and this credit card debt and close this maggot.

It's so much bigger than that because you're grieving. This is a process of grieving. You just lost a loved one. And that is so important that you acknowledge you that. It's so important that you are aware of that and realize that this process is a financial process, but it's also an emotional, a spiritual, it's a grieving process.

And lastly, Don, listen to me on this one. If you ever feel stuck or you need some guidance, don't hesitate to reach out to professionals, reach out to trusted friends or family.

We might not be right there next to you, Don. We might not live in your community, but there are people that are willing to support you. And Don, I'm going to encourage you, keep Michael's story in mind. Think about all the things that he went through. It's all about taking small steps. It's all about finding ways to navigate this situation just like Michael did.

So Don and anyone else out there going through this something similar, going through this process of losing a loved one, maybe it's a spouse, maybe it's a parent. I'm going to encourage you to stay strong and know that you're not alone and there is a path forward. And together, we need to work to support each other and find a way through it.
So Don, let me just take a couple of minutes and go through those steps again, because I want to go through those. I kind of got intermingled into our discussion, but I really want to lay into concrete foundation what those steps are.

So Don and everyone else, listen, the first thing you got to do is gather information about the debts.
This is a time to just make that list of here's what we're dealing with. I talk about this on my show all the time. This isn't emotional time. This isn't judgment time so just put the information in writing. Make a list of all the debts, including the creditor's name, the contact information, the amount they owe, and all the account numbers.

Just gather that information. And as I said, the second part of this is understand those legal obligations, research state laws, consult with a professional attorney, because here's the thing you need to understand. Is a big takeaway. You are not personally responsible for your mother's debts unless you co signed or were a joint account holder.
Again, I am not an attorney. I don't play one on TV, but generally that is the truth. You are not personal responsibility for your mother's debts unless you co signed or were a joint account holder. Now it could be that you inherited something that has a debt on it, which leads me to this discussion with your attorney.

So that's the second thing. Number one thing, gather all the information. Number two, understand your legal obligations. And as I talked about, notify the creditors, inform them of your mother's passing. You might need to send them a copy of the death certificate. And request the final statement, just say to them, Hey, my mother passed away.

I understand she had an account with you. I need you to send me a final accounting or a final statement of what she owes. I'm going to be working through her estate. I'm going to be talking to the attorney and we're going to determine what we can do to get this resolved, which leads me to the next thing, which is the critical part.

And that says you got to evaluate your mother's estate. This is where you're going to work with a probate attorney or maybe a financial advisor to determine the value of your estate. You need to know what she has before you can even think about what you're going to pay or who's going to get paid, you got to determine what she has. And once you do evaluate that estate, then it's time to prioritize those debts.

You need to understand which debt should be paid first, especially like you said in your situation, Don. You don't have the assets, your mom's estate isn't going to be enough to cover all the outstanding balances. You need to have a priority. You need to have a plan. And part of that, and this one is crucial.

You got to communicate with your family. You didn't say that you had other siblings, Don, but you said that there's a lot of strife going on in the family, man, this is the time to really communicate. Have an open and honest conversation about the financial situation, because it could be this situation.

I've seen this play out many times. People just assume, well, mom left me this and mom's got this and mom's got that. And they're all waiting, like pray. It's hard to say, but it brings out the ugly in people. Death brings out the ugly in people. I know that's not a polite thing to say, but I have seen it time and time again.

But there might be this expectation. Well, mom always said I was going to get this. And mom always said I was going to get this. But now all of a sudden, Don, you're the one dealing with it. And you're looking at this going, look, mom doesn't even have the ability to pay the debt. She already owes. There's not going to be anything left here.

And that's when you've got to communicate that with the family, communicate that with the people who are expecting or the people who were involved. Because one of the things you said in your letter is that, Ralph, there's this feeling we're all angry with each other. As another thing I said, seek professional help.

Navigating debt and estate planning can be overwhelming. It can. It's not what you do for a living. So don't hesitate to seek help from professionals. And last but not least, and I mentioned this a couple of times because I know how important this is. I know what Michael went through, Don and I know what you're going through because I have lost my mother.

I get it. Take care of yourself. Allow yourself to grieve and allow yourself to take some time for self care. This does not have to be resolved today. Guess what? Truth is, it's a rough truth bomb. The creditors can wait. What are they going to do? Your mother's passed away. I'm not saying to put it in the drawer and forget about it, but you can take time with this.

This is not the time to make immediate and quick decisions. Surround yourself with loved ones. Seek support from your faith community. This is a time to reach out to your church. I hear so many people say, well, you know, I don't want to bother the people in my church. Bother them. That's what they're there for.

Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Because guess what? Don, other people listening, if you're going through this, you need help. I remember as a kid, I was growing up. There was this family lived in the street from us. I don't want to use names, but anyway, his wife passed away a couple of years ago and his wife kind of always handled the financial stuff.

Well, the first year after she passed away, he did his own taxes. And I've known this guy since I was a wee little guy, his kids, we played ball together and all this kind of stuff. Well, finally he says, Ralph, he says, I never even thought about it. He said, I reached out and said, you could probably help me.

So now he's been a customer for a couple of years. He's been a client of mine. He's like, Ralph, I could probably figure this out myself, but man, it's so much easier and he comes in and we have a great conversation. We talked about his wife and I remember what a great woman she was, but don't be afraid to reach out and ask for help when you need it.

Don, hear me on this. Well, now I want to share a letter that I got a few weeks ago that really brings today's show to life. And it's interesting. I got this letter, Don, about the same time I got your letter talking about you want me to answer this question and I didn't really have a place to put it. But today is the perfect place.

And it's about one of our listeners and how they were able to navigate their loss. And I just want to read this because it was so impactful for me. And it said this, it said, "Dear Ralph, I'm writing to share my story, one in this filled with grief, struggle, and ultimately hope. I believe it might resonate with some of your listeners or perhaps offer comfort to those going through difficult times.

I am Bella, 35 year old woman who was happily married to my high school sweetheart, Jake. Our life together was wonderful, filled with love, filled with laughter and dreams for the future. But in an instant, everything changed. One afternoon, Jake collapsed during a basketball game with friends. He was gone by the time the ambulance arrived, taken by a massive heart attack at just 37 years old.

The world that I knew had crumbled. I was left with an immense emptiness and a mountain of debt that Jake had never told me about, he never, he was managing this all alone. I was lost. I was grieving. I had no idea how to handle our finances. He had always handled these things, she said. The bills kept piling up and I felt like I was drowning.

But one day, Sunday, I found myself in church desperate for guidance. And after the service, Martha, an older woman who had lost her husband years ago, approached me. She saw my pain and she offered her support. She introduced me to a support group for widows and widowers, where we shared our stories. We shared our grief and we shared our hope.

It was a lifeline for me, but my financial struggles were still overwhelming. So Martha suggested I meet with Dave, a financial advisor and a member of our church. Dave was incredibly compassionate and committed to helping me. He saw the fear in my eyes and the pile of bills on my table. He assured me that he would tackle this mountain together, that we would tackle this mountain together.

We started with small steps, creating a budget, prioritizing payments and negotiating with creditors. Dave even connected me with a credit counseling service. Slowly but surely, I began to feel a glimmer of hope. My church community rallied around me, offering emotional support, sharing meals, and helping me find a part time job.

As the weeks turned into months, I began to heal. I found strength in my community and hope in my growing financial stability. I even started volunteering at church, helping others going through similar challenges. Recently, I stood before a support group and shared my journey. I talked about the darkness I felt after Jake's passing and the mountain of debt that had threatened to consume me.

But I also spoke of the hope I found in our community, the guidance I received from Dave and the light that had slowly returned to my life. Through this journey, I've learned several key takeaways that I believe might help others. You are not alone. Even in the darkest times, there are people who care and are willing to help.

Reach out to your community, friends or family. Let them be your support system. Seek professional help. When facing overwhelming situations, don't hesitate to seek help from professionals. They can provide guidance and tools to navigate through difficult times. Take small steps. Tackling a mountain of problems all at once can be daunting.
Break them down into smaller steps and take them one at a time.

She goes on to say, healing takes time. Grief and healing are not linear processes. Be patient with yourself and allow time to heal. Healing helps others. Helping others heals you. As I started volunteering and helping others, I found that it greatly contributed to my own healing. It gave me a sense of purpose and joy.

And then she said, hope is real. Even in the darkest nights, there is always a path toward the light. Hold on to hope no matter how small or faint it may seem. And she closed with this. And I just thought this was beautiful. She said, I hope that my story can offer comfort and inspiration to those going through tough times.

Ralph, remind them they are not alone. And there is hope and that even the steepest mountains can be climbed with the right support and determination. She went on to thank me for reading her story. And she said, I hope it can make a difference in someone's life. Just as your podcast has made a difference in mine."

And that was signed with warm regards, Bella. And she said that at the end, she said, PS, please feel free to share my story on your podcast. So guess what Bella I've done it. And she closed with this. She said, I believe that even if one person find hopes or comfort in it, it'll be worth it. Well Bella, let me just thank you for that letter because it is worth it.

And wow, what a truly compelling testimonial. So again, thank you so much for sharing your story and may God bless you and others who are going through this process because see, Bella's story Don and to everyone else listen, boy, that brings it full circle, doesn't it? She's gone through the process, just like Michael, just like you're going through Don.

Now, I know we got pretty deep today, but if you want to go even deeper, I write a blog post every day. So I'm going to encourage you to check that out. You're going to askralphpodcast.com/blog. I'm going to share resources. I'm going to share some other stories that will help you navigate the complexities of debt and estate planning, because this is not something you're going to do yourself.

If you haven't heard anything else I've said, get some help with this. I'm also going to talk about in the blog, the emotional challenges that come with losing a loved one. And these are things that only you can feel.

Well, you know, at the end of the show, I always like to ask some reflection questions.
So don't leave me yet. I've got a couple more things to talk about. I'm going to do a mailbag section here in a few minutes, but let's take a few minutes to reflect on today's discussion. I want you to just reflect on this. I want you to think on these things today. I want you to really think about these things.

Ask yourself these three questions. Number one question. What steps can I take today to start addressing the debts my loved ones left behind? Maybe you're going through this, maybe you're not going through it, but you know somebody is, maybe you can reach out and help them. How can I find the emotional strength to face this challenge?

So that's the first question. Second question. How can I open up a dialogue with my family about our financial responsibilities and expectations, fostering unity and support during this difficult time? Don, this question is directly for you. How can you open up that dialogue and start to cure some of those things and heal those risks that are going on in your family?

Because this is so vitally important. Death should be a time that brings people together, but man, I'll tell you what, Don, I hear what you're saying in your letter. I see it tear families apart. And  third, in what ways can I honor my loved one's memory while also protecting my family's financial future and finding healing and hope for myself.

So really ask yourself those three reflection questions and think on those, pray about those because they will help you get through this process.

And I just want to ask you this. If you found value in today's episode, I encourage you to support the show. By doing that, you're going to help us reach more people with the message of hope.

I hope today's show was a message of hope. I really felt that it was when I was working on it and I said, you know, there's so much hope here. People are going through tough times, but that's the whole point of why I'm asking you to support the show, because I want to reach more people. I want to give them that message of hope and I want to empower them to overcome their financial challenges.

All you've got to do is go to askralphpodcast.com/support, and you can learn how you can partner with us and think about it. That partnership, that support will allow us to help someone who might be facing the very same issues that we're talking about today or other issues we talk about on the show every day.

And I know this is cliche, but remember, sharing is caring. So if you know somebody that's going through this, you know somebody that's battling this or has been through this, I'm going to encourage you to share this episode and share the show with other people who can benefit from the topic. Again, you go to askralphpodcast.com/support. I encourage you to do that.

So I just want to rehash a couple of key takeaways from today's show. Don and everyone else, listen. First step, gather all the information on the debts, understand your legal obligations and notify creditors to get a clear picture of the financial situation.
That's the first step. Second step, evaluate the state, prioritize debts and communicate openly with your family to create a plan to address the financial issues together. Seek professional help to navigate the complexities of debt and estate planning and prioritize your emotional wellbeing throughout the process.

You kind of invest in yourself. So remember this, remember the power of community, remember the importance of self care and remember the value of seeking help during this challenging time

Don, and anyone else struggling with a similar situation, don't let the weight of hidden debts and the emotional burden of loss crush you. Take that first step towards financial peace of mind. Maybe you consider booking a call with me and together we'll create an individualized plan tailored to your unique situation, your unique circumstances, addressing both the financial and the emotional challenges you're facing.

All you got to do is go to askralph.com. Just click on that button. It says, book a call with Ralph to get started. And remember, you don't have to walk this path alone.

All right. Well, now I want to introduce a new section of the show and it's what we're going to call the mailbag.

I've been doing this show now every day for over a year and I'm really starting to get notices and letters and emails and quick things from clients. And I really wanted to start share those because I want to encourage you to do this. So let me just share a couple of those with you today. This one's from Emily in Texas and this is what she wrote.

She said, Ralph, your show has been a lifesaver for me. I was drowning in debt after my husband passed away and didn't know where to turn. Your practical advice and encouragement has given me the confidence to take control of my finances. Thank you for being a beacon of hope in my darkest hour. Well Emily, that's my mission field and that's what I aim to do.

So thank you so much for sharing that. And thank you so much for your encouragement. We got this letter from John from California. This is what John wrote. He said, listening to your podcast has been an eye opening experience. I never realized how much my faith could impact my financial decisions. Thanks for your guidance.

I've started making wiser choices and I'm seeing real progress in my financial journey even after losing my job. John, I'm so sorry to hear you lost your job, but I really do appreciate the enthusiasm you had toward this and John, it will get better. Things will improve. And the last one I want to say today or share today is Martha from Florida.

This is what Martha wrote. She said,  Ralph, your show has been instrumental in helping me navigate the financial mess my late sister left behind. Boy, sisters, that's a whole another show. I learned so much about debt management, about estate planning, and the importance of open communication within my family.

Your compassion and expertise are truly appreciated. Well, Martha, thank you so much. Sorry to hear about your sister. Those can be difficult times, but I am so happy to hear that you're getting something from the show. And listen, to everyone listening. I truly appreciate hearing from you. It's why I do what I do and your stories keep me going.

So I'm really going to encourage you. I would love to hear from you. I'd love for you to share your experiences. And here's the thing I don't do often. You can email me directly. Yes, I'm probably going to get spam because of this. I want to hear from you. You can send an email to ralph@askralph.com.

It's really that simple. I would love to hear from you and learn how the show has impacted your life. If you don't want me to share it, just write that in there. I won't share it, but if you do, it will be an encouragement to other people. Well, let's get to the end of the show today. I'm going to tell you about what's going on tomorrow. Tomorrow's show,
I'm going to ask a very simple but deep question that is, are you truly ready to retire or some of these financial habits holding you back? We're going to talk about those financial habits that might be holding you back from retirement and why it's such a good time to handle those and tackle those before you retire.

So thank you for joining me today as we navigate this emotional and the financial challenges that come with losing a loved one and discovering those hidden debts. Remember, hear me on this, you're not alone in this journey and there is hope for you for a brighter future. And as I always say, my passion is to help you achieve financial success.
I want to see you live out your dreams and I want to see you grow in your faith. And I know working together, if you listen to this show, if you book a call with me, if you subscribe to the blog, listen, become a partner with us, join the community, follow the show, share the show. I know working together, we can master your finances from a Christian perspective.

So as I always say, stay financially savvy out there and may God bless you.

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